An Unauthorized Erection

An Unauthorized Erection

Herb and Maude sat in front of the Government issued “internet screen.” Well, everybody still used the term “internet” even though there were no longer independent and unauthorized servers. The Free Femdom party had dismantled that system more than a generation ago. People had long forgotten the pastime of surfing the web and using social media. No one would dare to mention the words “social media” as it was that medium that gave the Fems, as The Party was now known, unprecedented efficiency in destroying the other political parties as well as any nascent upstarts.

Things had settled down in the United States. Everyone still called the country that, the United States, even though the Fems had eliminated all state governments immediately after coming to power, except for Texas, Louisiana, and Oklahoma, the rebel states that had successfully seceded.

Herb caught his biometric bracelet on the recliner and dropped the remote control to the floor. While they had no choice about what channel they were going to watch, they still had control over the volume to some extent. While they could not turn the “internet screen” off – it was always on like some modern hearth around which people could gather - they could turn it down enough so that they would not have to yell. Herb groaned under the weight of his enormous bulk barely able to retrieve the remote but eventually doing so, his body exhausted from the effort. If people were overweight in the early part of the 21st century, they were nothing short of whoppers in the middle of the century. The Fems had encouraged people to eat and drink as much as they wished to end what was then known as “fat shaming.” The Founding Fems were all huge women and wanted everyone to know the joys that their ponderous bulk provided - so food production, such as it was, became a government command and control industry.

After catching his breath for 30 minutes from the strain of retrieving the remote Herb felt himself drifting off when an explosion rocked the front door, and four impossibly large and armed young women stampeded through the front door of their modest small house with their guns trained on Herb.

“Get on the floor, now!” shouted one intruder.

“Show me your hands, now!!” shrieked another.

Herb did his best to arise from the recliner enough to be able to lie on the floor as commanded, but he didn’t have the stamina. After all, he had just retrieved the remote from the floor! What did these women expect?

Two of the massive intruders were now upon him, one on each side. Together they counted, “1, 2, 3!” and each pulled on Herb’s upper arm to get him out of the chair. With some effort, they had Herb up, and before they could throw him to the floor, their commander barked an order to them.

            “Cuff him and leave him standing. How the hell are we going to get him up off the floor if we can’t get him out of a chair?”

Herb was still witless and in shock. Maude had collected herself and asked, from the comfort of her recliner, “What is going on? Why are you arresting my husband?!”

“Your husband is under arrest for violation of the Federal Penal Code. He has just had an unlawful and unauthorized erection!”

“What the hell are you talking about!” said Maude, near hysteria. An unauthorized erection was a capital offense. “We were each sitting in our recliners and watching the screen! He’s almost 30 years old! He hasn’t had an erection in years, and that’s if he ever had one!!!”

“Biometrics don’t lie ma’am. Increased blood flow to his penis was detected. Has he been taking his medication?”

“Of course, he has! Look at him! Does he look like he has any testosterone in his body? Examine his testicles! I am sure they are no bigger than almonds!”

“We are taking him into custody. Trained professionals will examine him.”

And with that, the four massive police officers helped poor Herb waddle the 30 steps to the police van. The police, like everybody else, no longer used cars. No one could get in or out of a car anymore.

Their family attorney, Gloria, had just met with the chief of police and now sat down next to Mauve at the police station. She came more as a friend than their attorney. Herb would need the services of an experienced criminal attorney. His very life hung in the balance.

“Maude. This is very serious," said Gloria as she reached for the donuts and Twinkies that were available in all public buildings. "Is there anything here that I should know?”

“What?” Maude said incredulously, as she too, helped herself to a donut. “Of course not! We were just sitting down to watch the screen. Herb had dropped the remote and had to retrieve it from the floor. The exertion of it all must have set off his bracelet.” Maude was referring to the wrist monitor that every citizen wore 24 hours a day. The government collected all of the data that the human body produced – breath, heart, blood pressure, hormone, sweat, secretions, and excretions. The government even monitored the amount of gas each citizen passed each day and analyzed the content.

“Well, I saw the data set that Herb’s bracelet sent in. There is no question about it. Herb was experiencing increased blood flow to his penis and a rise in serum testosterone.” Gloria paused and took a deep breath. “You were in incredible danger. You could have been raped or sodomized!”

“What the hell are you talking about Gloria? You have known both of us our whole lives. Does Herb look capable of producing an erection to you? Does he look like he has any testosterone to worry about?!”

What little the two women knew about erections was from their sex education classes in grade and high school. They knew that during the era just before they were born men would regularly penetrate women with their penises and that invariably this would lead to significant injury for women, unplanned children, and death during childbirth. The government had taken on the job of cloning and breeding children and since “all sex is rape” male children were chemically neutered, and adult men were required to maintain the ingestion of chemicals that would render them safe for women. While considering all of this each of the women consumed another donut.

Gloria thought about it for a minute. No, Herb certainly had all of the presentations of micro phallic status—a penis that never developed and was too soft and small to do any damage. He had no muscle mass, he was the shape of a pear, and he did not have any facial hair. He looked just like any other woman or man.

“Does Herb have any pubic or body hair?”

“Very little. Essentially none. There is nothing masculine or manly about Herb. He is as safe as a woman to be with. He has never approached me for sex—not even a kiss. I don’t think he has ever touched me except perhaps when we bump into each other in the hallway. The hallway is kind of small.”

“Ok. Good. Well, that testimony will sure help. Can you imagine living in a world where men constantly got erections? Where the passion so aroused them that they would want to penetrate a woman’s orifices? How did womankind survive such animals?”

“I am telling you that Herb is not like that. He doesn’t do anything. He is not interested in anything. All Herb wants to do is eat and watch the screen. He is the perfect gentleman. He has no ambitions. No desire to accumulate and use financial and other material resources to manipulate me or anyone else into having sex; and no interest in having children. In fact, he has no resources or interests of any kind and is content with what the government gives him. He is a perfect example of a non-aggressive male. Trust me; I have looked for the signs. But I would bet my life that Herb has never masturbated.”

“Oh, thank goodness,” said Gloria. “Here, have another donut. Ya know, before the Fems took over we had a man, a sitting president, in the White House no less, that was masturbating.”

“Oh, my! How do you know this?”

“I heard it from a judge I used to clerk for. Not only was he masturbating, but he wasn’t thinking about his wife! She caught him using pornography!”

“You are kidding me!”

“No. I am not kidding you! This really happened! Can you imagine? You give yourself to a man, and he still does that? Disgusting.” Gloria shook her head.

“Wow, that’s hard even to believe.”

“Can you believe that we tolerated that kind of disrespect? Well, keep in mind that before the government took over cloning and breeding, the very existence of mankind depended on erections and penetration. We did what we could to manage that nightmare, but it all became just too much. Once the Fems came to power and it became obvious that men could not control themselves, that there were not enough resources to provide for everyone, they did what they had to do. We have not been troubled by erections since.”

“Oh, thank goodness for that,” said Maude as she nodded in agreement.

Gloria nodded back, and the motion of their nodding and their combined weight of nearly 800 lbs caused the bench they were sitting on to protest by squeaking loudly. They stopped nodding.

“Yes. We cannot tolerate men that do not respect us.”

“I completely agree.”

“And we cannot go back to having to take care of children while dealing with a man and his erections.”

“Perish the thought.”

“I mean, think about it. What is the difference between saying something sexually disrespectful about a woman and thinking something sexually disrespectful?”

“Not a thing!”

“What could be more disrespectful to women by a man than for him to fantasize about them and experience sexual gratification—even from his hand—from them without the woman’s permission???!!”

“I can’t imagine! Did that sort of thing go on?”

“Are you kidding! Our mothers had to deal with men that got erections several times a week!”

“Thank goodness for the Fems.”

“Oh yes, thank goodness. Now we are perfectly respected. And we can eat as much as we want without shame.”